I know that I’m a grumpy old elf, but bear with me for a moment and tell me what on earth anyone would want with a 57 inch remote controlled inflatable floating shark?

Ok, I think I understand the appeal of the 57 inch clownfish, I mean Finding Nemo was a big hit and the kids really identified with the kid getting lost in the big ocean and his father turning over every rock and exploring every anemone in order to find him.  But a shark?

Every time I pass by the testing floor on the west side of the Workshop and see the latest model of Air Swimmers being tested I shudder as the theme song from Jaws goes through my head.

Ok, ok, I know they’re cool.  These are nothing like those old wind-up fish that you’d put in the bathtub for your kids.  These inflatable critters are not designed to be used in the pool, they fly right through the air thanks to being filled with helium (and having cool ballast adjustments) and have such smooth action that you could swear that they are real.  Talk about nightmares!

They’re remote controlled too, with all the latest remote control gadgetry which means that they can change directions really smoothly and can turn upside down and reverse directions with just a touch of the button (and from a distance of over 40 feet!).  Can you imagine having one of these critters in your back yard, or at the beach?  Freaky!

No, get the idea of them as some sort of glorified inner tubes out of your head.  These critters are not filled with air, they’re filled with helium, which means you’ll have to get them filled at your nearest balloon filling location, but that they really have floating power; better than any balloon and are perfectly weighted to give them the illusion of being alive and its infrared technology means that all you have to do is aim the lights on the controller directly onto the receiving pod of the Air Swimmer and you’re good to go.

Their tails even move back and forth when activated, exactly like a real fish.  Combine this with the really smooth remote control technology and the lifelike ability to move and turn on a moment’s notice, and you could very well be the life of the party; or the instigator of heart attacks among little old ladies at the local beach or shopping mall.

I know, I know, there is no such thing as a nearly five foot long clown fish, you’d think they’d get the scale right, but hey, these things are awesomely popular regardless, with the sharks being the most popular of the two, even among kids.  I guess all of those horror movies must be having their effect in desensitizing this next generation, or maybe the kids just haven’t bothered reading the yearly reports of shark attacks from Florida.

What I don’t understand though, is how we’re going to fit these into Santa’s sack.  Even fully deflated these are good sized toys.  Good thing I talked him out of delivering them fully inflated, for I truly think that enough have been added to wish lists that the helium needed to inflate them all would keep us free from gravity even after the magic of Christmas wears off of the sled.  Then again, seeing those kids faces when they find a nearly five foot shark in their living rooms might be worth the trouble after all.